Owls from Last Night

[coreofaphoenix]

it's like texts from last night only better and with wizards/witches!

you know it goes

Comments

[baby_deer]

Okay I've got a drink
My body is ready
A cursed WHAT?

[reparo]

Yes, so it turns out that there's a shop in Diagon Alley that makes magical sex toys and they were all the rage to gift to your pureblooded fiance a while back. Except that some despicable man decided to curse one and send it anonymously to a woman who'd rejected him, but of course he completely failed because he was terrible at cursing.

Bottom line is we spent half an hour trying to figure out the right way to curse a sex toy, and that is why you should not drink with Unspeakables.

[baby_deer]

I know I shouldn't ask any follow up questions, but I'm too far gone now

What IS the right way to curse a dildo?

[reparo]

I can't tell you, I'm afraid. This is not power that anyone should wield.

[baby_deer]

What makes you think I'd curse a dildo?

Unless I could leave it on Snape's grave

Fuck I'd totally curse a dildo I need to stop drinking now

[reparo]

Harry, language!
Also - Harry, pettiness!

This is definitely why I won't tell you. This and you'd tell George and then we'd have a full range of cursed dildoes.

[baby_deer]

WTF HERMIONE YOU TURNED A WOMAN INTO A BEETLE BECAUSE SHE SAID MEAN THINGS ABOUT YOU

I mean I love you but you're the pettiest person I know

Is pettiest a word?

Anyway I' sure George already knows

[reparo]

SHE DESERVED IT

[baby_deer]

SO DOES SNAPE

[reparo]

You play dirty, Potter.

[baby_deer]

So how do you curse a dildo?

[reparo]

There are spells that activate when a specific keyword is spoken, and you can modify them to specific letters.

[baby_deer]

I shouldn't have started drinking before you answered that question

[reparo]

Personally I think triggering them to the letter S is the most efficient option.

[baby_deer]

Because evil people scream 'watch me i'm a snake!' when they're about to orgasm?

1/3

[reparo]

You're the worst.

[reparo]

And the best.

[reparo]

Most people say "that's so good."

[baby_deer]

The fact that this is why my mind went kinda explains why I don't get laid

[reparo]

Yes, Harry, it's the "watch me i'm a snake".

[baby_deer]

They don't call me Parselmouth for nothing

[reparo]

OH MY GOD, UNREAD
UNREAD

[baby_deer]

Stop clutching your pearls

There is no way you got what I was talking about, because even I don't know, I was just saying shit

This is good vodka. Why didn't we drink vodka in Hogwarts?

[reparo]

Probably to spare people from you ever making that terrible Parselmouth joke, Harry.

[baby_deer]

I'M A SNEIK! I'M A SNEIK!