hogwartsexpressed | the (social) floo network / owls from last night [March/April]

Dear Sirius,

Pride can hold much together for far longer than seems plausible, it's a remarkable force. You'll have to pardon my boldness in saying as such.

[ Not that it's easy to stop Lily from talking too much once she's gotten started– ]

More for me than for them? I don't see how that's so, your successes only give you more reason to be away.

Good conversation is hard to find, after all, and I am so happy for you, Sirius.

[ Not cursing about how hard it is for servants to get parchment so that she might burn this letter and start again or anything. ]

Without my talents? I expect to be here for quite some time, you know how these agreements are constructed, they're likely to never find out. At least, not for any goodly length of time.

I leave today for your cousin's estate and woke early to write to you while there was time, as I am uncertain of when I will have a chance to next. I promise, I'm on my guard, and you as well. Be mindful out there Sirius, I'm sure you aren't resting enough and I can't bear to imagine when last you must have eaten so much as one vegetable.

Come back soon,
Lily

[ She knows she sounds like a proper arse, but she sends it anyway because time is short and she's definitely been downplaying how concerned she is about attending to his cousins. They're weird. ]

My dear Lily,

I will pardon no such thing when you're absolutely correct in your assertion. Pride is a remarkable force and will be the downfall of many, I imagine.

Unfortunately, I cannot say why it would be more good for you than for them since I do not want to tempt the pesky temptress of fate but I have a good feeling about this venture. My hope is by the time you return, I will have things sorted out.

I do hope you will be pleased when you find out.

[ It thrilled Sirius more than it should that by her own admission (reading between the lines as he was) she seemed to miss him as much as he missed her. Even if it was simply good conversation and nothing more.

Still, that sense of 'missing' was also mixed in with a deep amount of concern knowing that she would be spending too much time with his cousins who were even worse than his own parents. ]

Sadly I don't have someone making sure I eat a vegetable or sleep enough as that rests solely in your hands but I assure you, I will do my best to be safe.

Please write when you are able. I want to make sure you're staying safe, as much as possible. They are admittedly horrendous relatives.

I will see you soon,
Sirius

[ Tucked inside the envelope were a few sheets of blank parchment. It wasn't much but he was well aware now how little she'd have access to once she left Grimmauld. ]

[ 'Admittedly horrendous' was an understatement. When the next letter came it came almost a month after his, the parchment creased as though it had been folded quite small for concealment's sake. Lily's typically tidy script messy, like the letter had been written in a rush. ]

Sirius,

Your cousin's estate is large and serving them is not without its challenges. They are very strict and flaws in service aren't unnoticed or unpunished. I started to miss your parent's home within a few days.

I believe at this point any news from you would please me. I think of you often and hope you are well.

[ Read as: I miss you and I'm scared of these people. ]

Of course I'm safe–

[ as in, not in mortal peril. ]

Things have been difficult, and I hope the state I'm in when we meet next isn't displeasing to you. Your cousin thought it for the best.

Lily

[Reading that note from Lily made Sirius's gut twist in a very unpleasant way. The writing was very different compared to her tidy script and it sounded... off. Which concerned him greatly.

Especially if she'd missed his parent's home within a few days.

His response comes in the middle of the night in hopes she would not be caught with mail arriving to her.]

Lily,

How much longer until their normal servant returns, do you know? Please do not worry about me as I am greatly more concerned about you.

I am okay. I should be home within the next fortnight. Plans are being finalized now and I hope sooner (rather than later), I can share the news I've been working so hard on. Which does include you and I do hope this brings you some amount of hope.

You would never displease me, I guarantee it.

Please write when you're able and I hope to see you when I return.
Sirius

She didn't have another chance to send him a letter, something Lily felt badly about right up until she returned to Grimmauld Place and heard the news about how ill Sirius had become.

Barely taking a moment to set side the carpetbag containing essentially everything she had to her name Lily took the back steps designated by servants in twos, tying on her apron as her heart pounded nervously in her chest. What if he didn't get better? What if he'd gotten so ill he would be bedridden for the rest of his days? What if he died, ridding the world of her favorite thing about it?

Lily hated to think of it, but there was no denying the grave look on her face as she all but burst through the door of his quarters her now drab, dishwater brown hair flying here and there, free of the braid she'd had it bound back in Chewing fearfully on her lower lip she crossed to his bedside and rest a hand on his forehead, feeling for fever as much as she was verifying for herself that he was still alive.

The last thing Sirius had considered in his short (and long-term) plans was getting ill and the very last thing he wanted when ill was being back at Grimmauld with Lily away. Truth be told, he'd lost track of how much time had passed from the time he'd returned and the time when he was sure he'd heard her voice again.

Feeling a hand on his forehead, Sirius shifted and moved in closer to that hand. It felt cool compared to the overwhelming heat he'd been feeling.

And, truthfully, the first touch he's had since he's gotten home. His parents weren't exactly the "hands-on" sort, after all. He attempted to open his eyes but groaned when they felt too heavy. "Wh- who...," he mumbled, his voice hoarse.

Even before her hand landed on his forehead she could feel the heat of his fever radiating off of his skin, and the evidence of just how poorly he was doing made her heart prickle with fear. As he roused her breath caught in her throat, grateful to hear his voice however thick with illness it might have been.

"It's alright," Lily said gently, her hand lifting away from his forehead to brush through his hair, pushing it back from his face. It was far too familiar and intimate a motion to be proper, and she knew it, but she was much too sick with worry to care. Finding him like this made the harrowing experiences she had endured at the hands of his cousins forgettable in comparison.

"I'm here, I'll help you, Sirius." Looking down at his face for a moment longer Lily turned away, hoping she wasn't lying to him.

After wetting a cloth meant for his head and taking stock of the potions by his bedside Lily uncorked one meant to reduce his fever, gently dabbing at his brow with the cool rag as she brought the bottle to his lips. "Drink this," she murmured urgently, biting back the urge to call him darling as she carefully tipped the potion into his mouth.

Whatever tension Sirius held released unconsciously when he heard her voice and knew she would be there to watch over him. He exhaled a heavy breath, wanting to lean into that touch so desperately but his body wouldn't listen. His eyes felt heavy and his body refused to listen to anything his brain had to say, simply staying in place.

The cool cloth against his overheated skin felt wonderful. "Th - thank you," he murmured before feeling the bottle against his lips. He opened his mouth, letting the potion down his throat and swallowing it.

Even the tiny bit of movement he could make felt like it took a significant amount of energy. "Gl - glad you're here."

Moving away only far enough to freshen the rag she was using, Lily was back at his side a moment later, carefully resting the cloth against his forehead before turning to fill a goblet with water for him.

"Glad you're here too," she said softly, leaving the water where it was for now in favor of resting her hand on top of his.

"Stay here with me Sirius, please?" When she was certain he was asleep she would leave his side to fetch supplies from the kitchen, but for now, she wasn't going to go anywhere, and though she needed to find something to break his fever there wasn't anywhere she would rather be.

The next few to several days were a blur for Sirius as he came in and out of consciousness. Finally, after some days later (or what felt like a hellacious eternity) the fever broke. Truth be told, he wasn't sure if the voice he'd heard had actually been Lily or some figment of his fever-induced imagination. It wouldn't surprise him if it had been some hallucination but Merlin he hoped not.

Slowly, Sirius roused and slowly opened his eyes, and squinted at the woman sitting near his bed. For a second, he almost didn't recognize the figure... something wasn't right until. "Merlin fuck, what happened to your hair," he asked, though there were undoubtedly words that didn't fully form due to his voice being unused for any length of time.

"Who do I have to curse?"

And although his first phrase wasn't some epic confession, he was thrilled to see that Lily had been here. Was still here.

Had stayed with him.

Never venturing far from him apart from brief outings to fetch more potions and fresh pots of tea Lily had been dozing in the chair at his bedside when he spoke, rousing her instantly.

"Sirius!" Waking in a rush and half tumbling out of the chair she moved to his side, both of her hands clasping onto one of his, forgetting her station completely in her happiness and relief.

"How are you feeling? Are you hungry?" Reluctantly freeing up one of her hands Lily reached up to brush her hand over his forehead and cheeks, checking for any trace of the fever that had knocked him out for so long. She wasn't ignoring his question, she had just been so worried about him she hadn't had a second to think about what Bellatrix had done to her.

Merlin, he'd missed her.

It took a little effort but Sirius managed to free his other hand so he could clasp both of hers. He didn't care one bit about stations at this moment, just that she'd come back and stayed with him while he was sick.

"Much better, thanks to you," he murmured and brought her hand to his mouth to press a kiss to the back of it. "What happened to your hair?" But even as he asked again, only one person came to mind of who was responsible.

"Are you okay?"

Though she blushed when he kissed her hand, lifting her fingers to brush his cheek as she tossed aside decorum Lily frowned when he asked her what had happened a second time and shook her head.

"She thought it was too bright and proud for a housekeeper, and nobody's thought to fix it, but I'm alright." In truth, she hated the way she'd been forced to look, but at that moment Lily was far too relieved to have Sirius back to let it bother her.

Lily looked at him for a long moment, wanting nothing more than to lean up and kiss his forehead, or worse, holding back and instead caressing his cheek. "I should bring you food, you must be famished, Sirius."

"As soon as I get my strength back, I will fix it," Sirius promised. Brown hair could be beautiful but his cousin had gone to great lengths to make it as dull and unappealing as possible. As much as he disliked the color on her (it simply didn't suit after all), he didn't dare try to do any magic just yet.

He opened his mouth and felt... well, more like heard, his stomach growl. "Well, I suppose there's our answer. I could eat," he said, his mouth twisting up in amusement.

"Thank you... for staying with me."

Shaking her head gently she touched his cheek again before pulling away. "Don't worry about that now, just focus on healing." That he wanted to eat anything was a relief, and Lily wasn't going to waste time, bringing him a meal she didn't doubt he needed.

When he thanked her Lily stood, because her only other choice really was to kiss him. "Of course, my place is with you, looking after you." She worked for his whole family, but it was Sirius Lily attended on the most. She wanted him to take her with him when he left his parent's home, taking charge of tending to him seemed the best way to go about that. Adoring the man notwithstanding of course.

Giving him a brief nod she was gone, returning a few minutes later with a large tray of food. "I've ordered a bath for you too, Sirius," she said as she entered his room.

He was lovely, but he had been bedridden for a long time, and it certainly had begun to show. "It'll give me time to freshen up your bed before you go back to resting." Which was what he was going to do if she had anything to do with it.

Now that he was awake and no longer on the verge of passing out due to fever, there was a lot he wanted to tell her and share with her. Though, decorum told him he should wait to share until after he's shared with his family. After all, his news (no matter how delayed) would ultimately affect them as much (maybe more) as Lily. Regardless, he realized during her stay with his cousin, that he viewed her as a sort of confidant and was glad that she seemed to feel the same way about him. If the letters (no matter how spread out they were) were anything to go by.

Sirius watched her go and exhaled a soft breath. She would be happier away from here, he was sure. Away from potentially ever being sent back to the Lestranges and his more immediate family.

Okay and the house. The house was an entirely separate thing altogether.

He smiled when she returned and mentioned a bath. "I've never heard something so decadent," he said and slowly sat up in bed with a little groan. "I've missed you."

That was something he was sure he shouldn't say, especially with the ever likely potential that his words could be overheard. Nonetheless, they were true. She was fucking competent, among a number of other qualities that he valued in someone.

"Missed me?" She repeated, her voice gone soft from nervousness. Lily wanted to point out that she was just his maid, and she had kept his house and her constant watch over him while he had been ill, but the nervous way her heart fluttered at his words didn't let her protest them.

"I assure you, apart from my time attending to the LeStranges, you haven't missed anything out of the ordinary," Lily protested gently as she moved to the side of his bed, waiting to help him up should he wish to move. Though she knew his fever had broken, the thought of touching him was suddenly irresistible. Reaching out to rest a hand on his forehead, she looked down at his face briefly trying and failing to keep her expression neutral and not smile down at him. "I missed you," she said quietly as her hand fell from his forehead to his cheek, not quite ready to move away from him despite knowing that she ought to.

He hummed. If Sirius heard the nervous tone in her voice, he didn't mention it. Although he could blame it on any number of things (such as recovering), he wasn't about to start making any sort of excuses.

Not with her.

"Bloody fuck, I'm glad you're no longer there," he muttered and glanced up at her when she rest her hand on his forehead. "Who wouldn't miss me," Sirius said in an attempt to joke but despite the words, he was really glad that she had. "Thank you again for being here. I doubt my parents or brother did much of anything once I arrived."

He settled into a sitting position so he could start on the large tray of food she'd brought up.

"Your brother came in a few times, mostly to criticize whatever it was I was doing at the time, but to be fair - he did seem very worried about you, in his own sort of way." Sirius's brother wasn't exactly good company, at least not to her, and Lily kept a respectful distance from the man. He didn't have a favorable opinion of Muggleborns, even as servants, and unless he had an order or her, she stayed away.

Moving back to the chair beside the bed as he righted himself to eat Lily settled into her seat and looked on with a smile. "I suppose this means your appetite's returned Sirius."

"Are we talking about the same brother," he asked with a raised eyebrow. "Was he worried that I was getting better?" And while there was a teasing edge to his tone, he was curious as well. He loved his little brother, he did. There was a time when they were closer than now but then his parents dug their claws into him and he hardly recognized him at times.

Sirius chuckled as he took the first bite. "I suppose so. Not sure when the last time I had a good meal was."

"Believe it or not, he was worried you weren't going to get better," and because of it, Regulus had fussed at Lily over her how she was taking care of Sirius. It had been a hassle, but she had made it through, and the happiness she felt about his recovery surpassed any of the trials that had occurred while he was sick. Even Bellatrix.

There was a knock at the door and Lily rose to open it, letting two house-elves carrying a large copper bathtub inside, watching them set it down in front of the fireplace in Sirius's bedroom before leaving again.

"After you're done I'll draw your bath and leave you to rest, alright?"

Sirius blinked in surprise and made a small noise. That was a pleasant surprise, to know his brother, in his own way, still cared. He continued to eat while watching the two house-elves bring in the copper bathtub and set it down.

He nodded in agreement before tilting his head just a little. "Have you been taking care of yourself? Eating? Drinking?" He had always appreciated Lily's dedication to everything she did. Which was why she was the first person he thought of for his plans. In order for that to work, she would have to take care of herself and not just him.

Using the stout, short wand all servants were outfitted with to summon water into the bathtub, Lily smiled to herself, enjoying how pleased he was to hear that his brother had been worried.

"I've been staying in that chair for the most part, but I promise I've left to fetch a meal and a bit of sleep for myself." He could wake, or take a turn for the worst any minute, when she wasn't sure what would happen she couldn't bring herself to leave his side. Of course, she wasn't going to tell him that, already Lily was sure what she had said about the close watch she kept was a bit too revealing, not that she hadn't been absolutely brazen with her happiness at his awakening.

"Shall I leave you, or do you need help undressing?" It wasn't meant to sound as provocative as she suddenly worried it did.

"Good, it wouldn't do to have you weakened due to me," he said with a smile. He must have really been out of sorts and ill if she had been that concerned and his brother had feared for him. He couldn't recall the last time he'd been that sick. Surely he hadn't had someone as skilled (and as lovely) as she was to care for him.

There were social and practical protocols he knew considering their stations but he knew that wasn't even a fraction of the reason she cared for him as much as she did. Or, heavily suspected, at least.

Once the tray with the dishes was lifted from his lap, Sirius shifted and slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Stay for a moment, let's see how I do standing... I may need your assistance," he said, not even daring to try magic right now. "If you don't mind."

Although, he rather liked the idea of her helping him undress and of helping her undress, if he were honest.

"Of course."

Using her wand to clear the remains of his dinner she nodded at his request, trying not to think about undressing him and wishing she hadn't opened herself up to imagining it in the first place by mentioning it. Rationally she knew - he was her boss, he was ill, she should offer to do everything for him, but the idea still gave her butterflies in her stomach.

Reaching a hand out for him to help him get to his feet Lily got closer to the side of the bed, looking down at him with a concerned frown, the business of his welfare far more worthy of her focus than any of the silly thoughts trying to take root in her head.

"If you start to feel weakness anywhere you've got to tell me alright? It'll help me sort how to heal you."

the (social) floo network / owls from last night [March/April]

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GASP. I adore them. And you.