hogwartsexpressed | the woods are lovely, dark and deep

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𝟏 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 – Maybe you zigged when you should have zagged, but either way, you don’t know where you are, or how to get back to where you’re supposed to be. Alternately, you’re part of the search party sent to go find the missing person, careful you don’t end up lost yourself!

𝟐 𝒅𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 – Whatever you did you’ve ended up out in the forest after dark following after The Groundskeeper (or maybe you are the Groundskeeper). Careful, don’t hang too far back from the rest of the group, it’s dangerous out there.

𝟑 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒌𝒚 𝒃𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 – Sure there might be spiders and centaurs, along with who knows what else, but you can’t deny how private the forest is, and how easy it is to steal away behind a tree with that certain somebody.

𝟒 𝒓𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏 𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒅/𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 – Maybe you’re after some extra credit, or just trying to suck up to a professor, heck, maybe you’re a professor trying to date a professor, or maybe it’s a full moon and you’re after some Fluxweed, either way, better be quick about it!

𝟓 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔! – Death Eaters in the castle! Drama in Ravenclaw Tower! A Professor turned evil! An emotional exit and storming off turned cataclysmic! Dragons! Something serious has happened to bring you to the forest today!

𝟔 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 – A Rite of Passage? Or maybe you lost a bet or ran your mouth too much for too long. Whatever happened it’s time to put up or shut up and gain bragging rights for the rest of the term.

𝟕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒍𝒆𝒆! – Whatever it was you were just doing, it’s time to get away, and what better way to make sure your retreat is covered than to cut a path through the Forbidden Forest?

𝟖 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒉𝒊𝒌𝒆 – You don’t get why everyone thinks this place is dangerous, you love coming to the forest for some fresh air and creature spotting/hiking/bird watching.

𝟗 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒃𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒂𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒘𝒐𝒍𝒇/𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 – Exactly what it says on the tin.

𝟏𝟎 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒅! – Go wild! Live your life!

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Remus shot Sirius a look 1/3 affectionate, 1/3 wry, 1/3 mournful. "I'm not as good at running as" before "you." Nothing like what Sirius had been through in Azkaban, but the years had been harsh on Remus too, aging him more than their number. Though he loved Sirius for not thinking about that. Possibly he was imagining them school-aged again. And not the first time forgetting that Remus couldn't become Moonywolf at will. "Can probably make it to the cave, though. …Don't hold back for me, by the way. Transforming. As long as you circle 'round again."

Edited 2021-02-21 00:08 (UTC)

To Sirius' credit, he only hesitates for a second. Then he turns back and starts walking next to Remus, timing his pace to his. To be fair, in human form, he's not exactly a springy youth, either.

"No, it's okay. Let's walk there. I... The fresh air is helping a lot. And, you know. The company."

Now, from Remus, a sidelong grin. "What? Not going to make me push my limits, for my own sake? Is that maturity or pity?"

"I'm very mature," argues Sirius, offended. Most offended. He's never been so offended in his life.

"Besides, you might fall apart if I push you." A deep breath. "And I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Understatement of the ages.

Until Dumbledore found Remus again and gave him a professorship, Lupin had been living in self-imposed exile; total hermitage, just outside a muggle town, where he'd magically help the residents (shift the trajectory of a falling tree limb, contain a fire, shield from a storm, improve crops, catch a toddler from wandering into the lake) without them every knowing he was there or anything at all had been done. It had been a much simpler existence… because it has also been, in his heart, flatter and colder. But he couldn't get over what he'd had nor face either having or not having it ever again.

The key, though, hadn't been the losses. It had been the betrayal. The idea that not only were his friends dead, but possibly, the best of them (Sirius) having never been who Remus had thought he'd been. That not only had the lost them, Remus maybe had never had them the way he'd thought he did at all.

Having Sirius restored him also restored all of them, all of it. All the way back.

"You never have to talk about it," said Lupin, in lieu of nothing. (The best time to bring Azkaban up.) "But you can. To me. You know that right?"

There is a silence after that, because... well. It's not like it's easy to breach twelve years of silence, not to mention the preceding two years of understatements. How do you even breach that, during a casual walk in the forest?

"I know. But... Fuck, Remus, it's all everyone's got all over their face, whoever I see. What do you want me to say? I spent twelve years there, then I ran away. Now it would be nice to leave the place. If you want to make me feel better, just... talk to me about what you've been doing. Stupid life things. How do you take your tea these days? I don't know, anything."

"I want you to say whatever the fuck you want, and if you don't want to, then don't." Remus shot him a grin. "Instructions like that work, too. You know I'm a guidance enthusiast. So, hmm… Earl Grey or similar, milk, no sugar, and sometimes an extra infusion of something. Like, y'know. Liqueur."

Coming from school-age Remus, this would have blown everyone's minds. He wondered wryly if, with all their hardship lines and scars, it still would. Far-reaching bonds did behave like time turners in how one saw each other and felt.

"…Or…" This came less easily, but there was no one Remus had ever been able to talk to like Sirius. And if that was what they were reclaiming and encouraging, best to just do it. "…I'll take the sugar if I'm washing down Wolfsbane Potion. I can't dilute the stuff but. …actually, I welcome the taste even though it's vile. It's pretty much the miracle we used to talk about."

…and speak grandly of finding. That mission never materialising had been a private sting in the few years between graduating and cataclysm, though Remus had tried to be reasonable and not expect it. Those years had been the beginnings of loss for him, really, when his work for the Order kept him so far away from the others for so much of the time, while they got to keep sharing their lives without him. It was hard not to feel alienated or forgotten, however irrationally. That distance hadn't made the outcome a whit better of course.

(Why why hadn't they asked him to be the Secret Keeper… Why hadn't Dumbledore summoned him back at least for Sirius's trial… Why hadn't he even met Harry… Again, more wounds that Sirius's return finally, when nothing else had, began to heal.

Anyway, he knew the answers. Or could guess. Lily had always thought Peter might need a challenge of trust to rise more to his potential, and James would assess him as the least predictable. Remus would never be in the running as guardian for Harry, when his life and very nature could never be safe or stable enough. But not to have been at the trial… And not even allowed to be a secret protector at the outskirts of Harry's life, even if, like that muggle village, Harry never knew Remus was there… Those resentments were for Dumbledore. And yet, again and again, if Remus knew anything about Dumbledore, it was that he was always knew five things more than anyone else. So he had to trust.)

Stop. Stop thinking about the past. Like you always always do. For once, in years, again, at last, be in the present. Take the lead, fittingly, from Sirius in that.

The miracle they used to talk about, but never got around to working on, because they were too busy being young heroes while Remus bled on the floor month after month. Funny how Azkaban put some things in perspective, what with all that time to mull over the worst parts of his mind, in helpful company of foul creatures who encouraged this kind of dwelling. Sirius has it all worked out. A comprehensive list of failures. He doesn't even need a highlighter or post-it notes; everything is written in his head in a neat bullet-point list, ready for him to beat himself over the head with yet again.

And he almost does. It's nice and easy, like putting on an old pair of slippers. After so many years almost completely alone, he doesn't exactly have a habit of considering other people.

Except this is Remus, and he's telling him something, and he looks like his mind is miles away from tea, sugar or potions.

"You're angry," says Sirius out loud, before he can talk himself out of speaking. "Wanna have a shouting match? We might feel better."

"Not at you," said Remus at once, genuinely. "Getting you back actually makes some of it better that I thought never could be."

Now he hesitated again, but he'd known Sirius wouldn't want to be handled with kid gloves, even before he'd said that about all over everyone's face. "Being made to doubt reality turned out to be its own edge of loss. I know I don't need to tell you about that. …Funny, I actually hadn't had that before, even though I thought I knew all about insanity." He belatedly scoffed at himself, "To think, people thought I was less arrogant."

Could be an insult, but wasn't. They'd known what people had said about the four of them all through schooling. James and Sirius—handsome, liberated, and brilliant—would have been Trickster Gods no matter what. Their inexplicably adopting Peter and Remus had brought it all to a new dimension (intrigue, speculation). …But mainly: it hadn't taken all this suffering for them (Sirius and Remus at least) to have been self-aware about what elements of 'what everyone said' were also true. They'd definitely all been arrogant. Even Peter in his way.

"Still," added Remus. "It's not a bad idea. I'm game to be an echo chamber."

the woods are lovely, dark and deep

<3 !!

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[So sorry for vanishing! Here if you want to continue, I understand if not <3 ]

[No, come on, it's chill, everyone has a life!]

[ <3 ! ]

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